Taking Charge of Your Life
By Roger Ellerton Phd, ISP, CMC, Renewal Technologies Inc.
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How do you live your life? At cause or at effect? It is important to be aware of this distinction. It is the rare individual who always lives his or her life at cause, however far too many of us live a large portion of our lives at effect - responding to the whims, desires or emotional states of others.
Being at cause means that you are decisive in creating what you want in life and take responsibility for what you have achieved or will achieve. You see the world as a place of opportunity and you move toward achieving what you desire. If things are not unfolding as you would like, you take action and explore other possibilities. Above all, you know you have choice in what you do and how you react to people and events.
If you are at effect you may blame others or circumstances for your bad moods or for what you have not achieved or for your life in general. You may feel powerless or depend on others in order for you to feel good about yourself or about life - If only my spouse, my boss, my coworkers, my parents, my children, ... understood me and helped me achieve my dreams or did what I wanted or what is best for me, then life would be great. If you wait and hope for things to be different or for others to provide, then you are at effect or a victim of circumstances. And really, how much fun is that? And how much fun do you think it is for others to be around you? Believing that someone else is responsible or making them responsible for your happiness or your different moods is very limiting and gives this person some mystical power over you, which can cause you a great deal of anguish.
Being at cause means you have choices in your life - you can choose what is best for you while ensuring the choice is ecological for those around you, those in your community and your society. That is, you consider the consequences of your actions on others, while not taking responsibility for their emotional well-being - believing you are responsible for the emotional well-being of someone else places a heavy burden on you and can cause a great deal of stress.
Those who live their lives at effect often see themselves or live their lives as victims with no choices whatsoever. The irony is that they do have choice and they have chosen not to choose but to be responsive to whatever is given to them.
Do I always live my life at cause? No, not a chance. The vast majority of the time I live at cause. And thanks to NLP, I am able to quickly identify those times when I am living my life at effect. To get back on track, I realize that I always have choices in my life and one of the following NLP Presuppositions usually comes to mind: 'There is no failure only feedback' or 'There are no unresourceful people, only unresourceful states'. NLP techniques, which are the subject of later articles, provide me with the mental resources I require and I am able to explore other ways to achieve my outcomes or ask others for help, without being a victim to their answers.
And NLP is Much more than that!
Author: Roger Ellerton is a certified NLP trainer, certified management consultant and the founder and managing partner of Renewal Technologies. The above article is based on his book Live Your Dreams Let Reality Catch Up: NLP and Common Sense for Coaches, Managers and You.
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